The NFL Draft is 17 Days Away And We Need a Little Bit of Everything

The Miami Dolphins suck balls...yes, definitely plural. We need help, literally, everywhere: O-Line, D-Line, Receivers, Linebackers, Secondary, Tight Ends, and Special Teams.



With the #1 overall pick, there are only two options: Michigan's Jake Long and Virginia's Chris Long. It's Long and Long, that's it. Jake's a monster-sized LT that can -- along with Samson Satele and Vernon Carey -- anchor the offensive line for the next decade. Chris is a DE that, as far as I know, can excel in both a 3-4 (most likely what we'll be running this year) or 4-3 defense. If he's as good as people say he is, he can eventually replace Jason Taylor (who should really be shopped for extra draft picks). Those are the only two players I want considered with the top pick, with Vernon Gholston being a distant 3rd best candidate.



If we choose Chris #1, then hopefully another quality LT will fall to our first of two 2nd rounders (we got the second one trading that underachieving hack Chris Chambers). But if we take Jake #1, then I definitely want a DB taken here. Miami's Kenny Phillips should be available and will be a hometown favorite, but I think that'll be a reach. Hopefully Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie will still be on the board, but I doubt it. So I'm gonna go with 'Zona's CB Antoine Cason's. We really need a shutdown corner to line up opposite Will Allen (who's actually pretty decent).

Remember last year when Randy Moss caught all those touchdown jump balls against, like, 7 of our defenders? Yeah, I don't want that happening anymore.





The tempting pick here would be a quarterback, but I think that'll be a wasted pick. This looks like a weak rookie QB class, so we'd better off waiting until next year. Neither Matt Ryan or Brian Brohm are worth the #1 overall, and will be gone by our next pick. And I don't know if any of the second-tier QBs (Joe Flacco, Andre Woodson, Chad Henne) are good enough for our 2nd round pick. So we're stuck. We might as well go into the season with John Beck (I wish he weren't so short and stumpy) and Josh McCown (who knows, maybe he'll finally break out here) and hope for the best. And at the very most, I might be willing to spend a 4th rounder on San Diego's Josh Johnson...maybe.



With our second 2nd round pick (the one from the Chargers), maybe we could pick up a tight end, like USC's Fred Davis, MSU Kellen Davis, ND's John Carlson, or whoever else is a top-rated player at that position. It'd be nice to have a big target like Tony Gonzalez or Dallas Clark to just dump the ball off and watch rack up the YACs. The best we've had here for a long time was Randy McMichael, and he was a wife-beating, ball-dropping bum.

If we don't go TE here, then a big, strong LB is always nice. We could use some help, because Channing Crowder is very average and Joey Porter is just about washed up.



Because Ronnie Brown got hurt (again!) and Ricky Williams is on his last chance (again!), we should probably think about using our 3rd rounder on a running back. Where are Oregon's Jonathan Stewart and Central Florida's Kevin Smith (you know I still haven't seen Clerks II?) expected to go? If they're still there, take one of them.

For our 4th rounder, I dunno, maybe the biggest, fattest DL available. We couldn't stop the run at all last year, so we need a big slob of a nose tackle to plug the lanes. Trading for Jason Ferguson was a good stop-gap move, but he's getting old.

We don't have a 5th rounder because of that stupid Trent Green trade.

And then for our 6th and 7th rounder, no one ever knows any of the no-names at the end of the draft, so hopefully Bill Parcells can find some fringe players that have at least a little bit of game. Maybe a WR to help out Ted Ginn, Jr. and Ernest Wilford (and to move Derek Hagan further down the depth chart...he sucks). Maybe a hard-hitting safety, either FS or SS, because seemingly all of safeties ended up blowing out their knees last season. Or maybe a wide-bodied offensive lineman, because you can never have enough of those.

If we wanna start winning more than 1 game a season again, we're gonna have to start nailing all of our drafts and all of our free agent signings. And if we do that, hopefully we can actually be competitive in 2 more years. This is where it starts.