Retired Players I Hated Watching #4 (the form on his free throws may have been even worse than Shaq's)

Anthony Mason

"Poetry in motion" and "hardwood ballet" are the typical cliches sportswriters use when trying to pontificate on the aesthetic appeal of basketball -- and for the most part, they're pretty appropriate. With all of the displays of running and agility and passing and coordination, it really is a beautiful game. But Anthony Mason, all hulking 6'7" and 260 lbs of him, stood as a complete antithesis to the fluidity and grace of the game.

He was the embodiment of the paradigm shift the NBA experienced in the mid-90's. Whereas players used to be sleeker and smoother, players had now become heavier and more muscle-bound. Instead of a quick man's game, basketball was transforming into a strong man's game. Players should have been spending their free time practicing fundamentals, like footwork or shooting free throws; instead, they were spending that time lifting weights. And there's nothing specifically wrong with a professional athlete improving his musculature and overall level of fitness, but the byproduct of this change in mindset was devastating. Suddenly, NBA games were nearly unwatchable. It was all-defense, no-offense; final scores were regularly in the 80s (and often as low as the 70s); and teams were trying to out-muscle and out-bully the opposition instead of out-skilling them.

Mason was a habitual offender, using his stocky build to grind the pace of every game to an excruciating halt. On defense, he grabbed and reached and hacked, using less guile and more brute force. "Defense wins championships" is the timeworn mantra head coaches preach to their players, but what Mason did to opposing players could hardly be called "defending." More to the point, he was just beating people up.

On the offensive end of the court, he planted himself on the low block, pinned his defender on his hip, and demanded the ball. After receiving the inbounds pass, he'd hold the ball, holding and holding. He'd then start backing down his man, slowly and deliberately ad naseum, just bull-rushing toward the basket. When he finally steamrolled his way directly under the rim, he'd put up a point-blank lay up, or he'd get fouled. All of this would take up the entirety of the allotted 24 seconds. Basically, it was the most boring brand of basketball imaginable. He just bogged everything down; whenever he was in the game, it was slow-motion, like everyone was running in quicksand.

And even the gimmick he was most known for -- the ability to play "point forward" -- was grossly overstated and very misleading. Granted, he brought the ball upcourt every once and a while, but he was hardly a savvy playmaker. It's not like he was capable of orchestrating an offense out on the perimeter, or make split-second decisions with the ball while on the fast break. Most of his assists came after he had held onto the ball too long and just kicked it back out to an open teammate at the very end of the shotclock. Assists like those aren't conducive to effecient, free-flowing offense...they're just last ditch bailouts.

Even when Mason made the All-Star team during his lone season in Miami, I could barely stand watching him. Not even mentioning all the off-the-court legal problems he had throughout the course of his career (the statutory rape charges, drunken disorderly conduct, starting bar fights, locker room dissension, etc., etc.), he just wasn't a very entertaining player. Nothing about the way he played the game was fun.

About the only complimentary thing I can say about Anthony Mason is that he used to shave words, signs, and phrases into the side of his head. I can't deny it, that was pretty cool.

Anthony Mason's career statistics

(And I checked, I couldn't find a single Mason video on YouTube).