What I Had For Dinner 7/11/08

Went to Stir Crazy and did the make-your-own-stir-fry thing. I picked chicken and flat rice noodles, added baby corn, bok choy, pineapple, mushrooms, broccoli, onions, celery, and bean sprouts, then picked the kung pao sauce.

It was a bomb-ass dinner.

Headlines (The art of being completely unlikeable; capsaicin is the alkaloid compound that makes hot peppers hot; hustlin' abroad).

Rove ignores subpoena, refuses to testify

Former White House adviser Karl Rove defied a congressional subpoena and refused to testify Thursday about allegations of political pressure at the Justice Department, including whether he influenced the prosecution of a former Democratic governor of Alabama.

Rep. Linda Sanchez, chairman of a House subcommittee, ruled with backing from fellow Democrats on the panel that Rove was breaking the law by refusing to cooperate — perhaps the first step toward holding him in contempt of Congress.

Lawmakers subpoenaed Rove in May in an effort to force him to talk about whether he played a role in prosecutors' decisions to pursue cases against Democrats, such as former Alabama Gov. Don Siegelman, or in firing federal prosecutors considered disloyal to the Bush administration. -- MSNBC

If you or I decided to flake out on a Congressional subpoena, the po'lice is kicking down our door and hunting us down.

If the White House's former Deputy Chief of Staff did the same, he's getting a shiny new presidential pardon.

So let it be known: Karl Rove is above the law.

Officials Add Jalapeños to Salmonella Warning

Federal health officials now blame raw jalapeños for some of the illnesses in the three-month-old salmonella outbreak and yesterday advised the elderly, infants and people with compromised immune systems to avoid them.

The jalapeño warning was based on the results of recent investigations of three large clusters of illnesses involving restaurants, the CDC said. A cluster is when at least two people get sick after eating in the same location in a brief period of time.

Some in the clusters reported eating dishes containing tomatoes and jalapeños, while others said they ate a dish that had jalapeños and did not have tomatoes, cilantro or serrano peppers.

"The accumulated data from all investigations indicate that jalapeño peppers caused some illnesses but that they do not explain all illnesses," the CDC said. -- Washington Post

Jalapeños are the default pepper whenever someone thinks "hot pepper," but as far as all hot peppers are concerned, they're actually pretty average-tasting. They rank right about in the middle, somewhere above weak-ass Anaheim peppers but below nuclear Scotch Bonnets and Habaneros.

The problem with jalapeños is that they're just spicy, but that's it. And peppers (quality peppers) should be more than just hot. There's little depth, little complexity to the jalapeños' flavor. It's just one flat note. And unlike the exotic, fruity fragrance of other peppers, jalapeños have a woodsy, grassy aftertaste that -- depending on how old the peppers are, and exactly how they're prepared -- can be unpleasant. I imagine it's the same sensation you'd get if you ate a handful of lawn clippings.

For pure heat, the aforementioned Scotch Bonnets and Habaneros are superior -- and on top of being spicy, they actually have their own distinct flavor. Dried poblano/ancho and chipotle peppers are good for stews or slow-cooking dishes, they add a lot of smokiness and richness without too much of the mouth-scorching heat. Serranos also pack a good punch, so I'm sorry to hear that they made the suspect list. And even though they aren't spicy at all, I love eating the mild Pepperoncini's with pizza.

All of that food elitism aside, I do like jalapeños, especially diced up fine in my salsa. And I can't get enough pickled jalapeños on my Publix subs.

And regarding the salmonella scare, it doesn't concern me. If I don't get sick from tomatoes or jalapeños, then I'll get sick from strawberries or carrots or Pepperidge Farm Milano cookies. Whatever, same difference. I'm not compromising my BLT sandwich because I may (but in all likelihood, will not) get sick.


Brandon Jennings might be a trailblazer, decides to play in Europe

Brandon Jennings' decision to bypass a one-year college commitment and instead sign a professional contract in Europe has trend-setting potential and could help end the NBA's so-called "one and done" requirement for elite prep players, the leader of the NBA players' union said Wednesday.

"I continue to be against an age limit, I'm against limiting the options these kids have," union executive director Billy Hunter said. "It's going to be a very big issue the next time we negotiate. . . . I'm strident in my position to eliminate the age limit."

Jennings, 18, a Southern Californian who played at Compton Dominguez High before moving to Oak Hill Academy in Virginia for his final two prep seasons, was a McDonald's All-American ranked by many as the nation's top high school point guard.

Jennings had signed to attend Arizona, and was awaiting an SAT score later this week that would determine if he would be eligible to play in college when he announced Tuesday he would play in a European professional league. An Arizona spokesman said Wednesday that university compliance officers have not yet received Jennings' test score. -- LA Times

As a (supposed) scholar, of course I endorse anyone and everyone getting a full education. If a school as prestigious as the University of Arizona is willing to give you a free ride, you take it. You'll better yourself personally, intellectually, culturally. Get smart, that's my motto.

But still, I can't blame him for his decision. He obviously doesn't care about the Pythagorean Theorem, doesn't care about the analogy of Plato's cave, doesn't care about the life span of a black hole. He doesn't care and never will care. Academics just isn't his bag. He wants to play basketball and earn lots of money. That's it. And I can't fault him for that. He was living in Compton, so poverty must have been a huge sticking point for him growing up. The NBA (with its age limits) force him to play at least one year of college ball, then the NCAA makes millions off of him by showcasing him in primetime games on CBS and other major market networks. And while the NCAA is counting its piles of cheddar, poor Brandon Jennings and his family is sitting down to a Thanksgiving dinner of Top Ramen. That isn't entirely fair.

If he can spend a year overseas, play some professional basketball, take in some culture, and earn an income while doing it, more power to him. I can totally support his choice. That way, he gets to have his cake and eat it too; he makes some money while waiting out the NBA's age limit in Europe, and then in a year, enters the NBA and makes even more money. As more teenagers (assuredly) follow his lead, the quality of college basketball will slowly suffer. And while I might resent that for selfish reasons -- I think March Madness is one of the single greatest things ever -- I can definitely respect a young man's decision to sell his trade, make money, and provide for his family. That's the essence of capitalism.

Oh, and Jennings has "Young Money" tattooed on his back. True that, friend.

New Aesthetics

I changed the look of my blog.

I rearranged the template, the font, and the colors. The color of my background header was originally a deep red, but I thought that looked a little too hostile. So I switched it to a calmer blue. Either way, I definitely wanted to leave the main background white. I just think it's easier to read that way, less strain on the eyes. As much (inordinate) time I spend on posting stock photos along with my entries, I'm really concerned with not detracting from the text...or at least, detracting as little as possible. I noticed with my old dark blue background, some of the typing nuances like bold and italics weren't showing up as clearly as I'd like. They looked muddled on screen. And those variations in inflection are there for a reason; they make a big difference in my writing. I wanted the text to be the boldest thing on the page.

Blog-integrity is important to me. Haha.

Even More Updates on Free Agency

Brand signs 5-year, $84 million contract with 76ers

I'm surprised.

I thought it was a lock that Elton Brand would re-sign with the Clippers and team up with newly-acquired Baron Davis.

But this isn't a bad fit for Brand, either. Philadelphia was surprisingly good last season (even beat Detroit in Game 1 of their playoff series), and with Brand plugged in at the starting power forward spot along with a steady Andre Miller at point guard, underrated Andre Iguodala at shooting guard, up-and-coming Thadeus Young at small forward, and shot-swatting Samuel Dalembert at center, the Sixers can definitely compete for 2nd place in the Atlantic Division next year. They can be really good.

The only thing I'd worry about it Brand's Achilles injury. He had to sit out all of last season after rupturing it, so I'm curious to see how much mobility and lift he's lost (if any). Assuming he's all healed up and ready to go, he'll get his usual 22 points and 10 rebounds a game, easy.

Warriors ink Maggette to 5-year, $50 million contract

Eh, I don't think is such a big deal. It doesn't make the Golden State Warriors any worse, but it really doesn't make them any better. It's just kind of a lateral move -- a lateral move worth $50 million bones. Maggette's a good player -- bigger and stronger than most opposing shooting guards, great isolation scorer, goes to the free throw line a lot, very athletic in the open court -- but he ultimately won't make much of a difference on the Warriors' win-loss total. They'll be more of the same.

Basically, this was damage control on Golden State's part. They allowed Baron Davis to skip town without any compensation, so they rush out and spend their newfound spending money on the first free agent they can find. They're just trying to save face. But whatever, like I said, this move won't hurt their team at all. Maggette will score a lot of points in their open, free-flowing offense. He just won't score enough points to help them make the playoffs.

Ronny Turiaf agrees to terms with Warriors for 4-year, $17 million contract

Ok, so this is a move by Golden State that I do really like. Even before scoring a single basket or grabbing a single rebound, Turiaf is already worth at least half of his contract. He's the consummate team player; every time I watch the Lakers on TV, Turiaf is cheering from the bench, giving teammates high fives, showing lots of energy. It's obvious he's a great locker room guy, a great glue guy. He just has good juju, keeps the team's morale high. So the fact that he's able to score a little, board a little, defend a little, and hustle a lot is just an added bonus. I'm sure he'll be a great fit on that team.

And to think, going into the 2006 NBA Draft, the player Turiaf was most compared to was Wayne Simien. Both were seen as hard-nosed, tough-willed do-the-dirty-work kind of power forwards. It was almost impossible to decide who was the better of the two, they were nearly identical in ability. When the Miami Heat's pick came up at No. 29, we went with Simien. At pick No. 37, the Lakers chose Turiaf. Simien is currently out of the league and Turiaf is still going strong -- we made a mistake.

And to make matters worse, we also passed up on David Lee, Brandon Bass, and Monta Ellis. All were picked after Simien.

Jones signs 5-year, $23 million deal with hometown Heat

Great pick up for Miami. I'm all for this deal. We desperately need players who can shoot straight from long range and capitalize when defenders double-team D-Wade and Michael Beasley -- James Jones can definitely do this. He shoots 3's as if they were lay-ups. He shot a staggering 44% from behind the arc last season, that's off the charts. He's one-dimensional, but he can do that one thing really well. Jones can come right off the bench, shoot some corner jumpers, and then sit right back down. He'll know his role and he'll be able to fill it without complaint. I'm sure he'll become a fast fan favorite here.

And it's always nice to see a former Miami Hurricane (and former local American High alum) succeed. There aren't too many Hurricanes in the NBA -- we drafted Tim James, but he didn't amount to much; we auditioned Darius Rice a few times in summer league, but never worked out; John Salmons is playing with the Kings all the way out on the left coast; and I have no idea what Guerillmo Diaz is up to -- so I'm glad a local kid is getting a chance to play for the hometown team.

Orlando Magic signs Pietrus

Decent addition for the Magic, but nothing earth-shattering. Mickael Pietrus is athletic and a solid one-on-defender, but he's never been able to make a name for himself after being a lottery pick in his draft. I've watched him play a lot and he's the type of player that relies solely on athleticism and fast twitch muscles -- he's not cerebral at all, he's not a student of the game, doesn't understand X's and O's, isn't aware of what's going on around him. He's a great physical specimen, but he's also a slow, dim-witted physical specimen. He makes a lot of mistakes and mental errors, so he can actually be a very frustrating player to watch.

And for someone who was nicknamed "Air France" -- he's of French nationality -- going into the 2003 draft, I really don't remember seeing him dunk all that much.

What I Had For Dinner 7/8/08

Peanut Butter & Jelly. Cheese sandwich.

These are normally two simple favorites of mine, but I've had much better of each.

The bread I used for the PB&J was a little too thin and flimsy, so there wasn't as much bite or substance as I'd want. And I brought the cheese sandwich with me to work, so I wasn't able to grill it. It was an ungrilled cheese sandwich, which just means there was a lot of unfulfilled potential there.

Wordsmith

An expanded vocabulary, dictionary adds 100 new words

Merriam-Webster's Collegiate has added brand new words to our collective vocabulary. Here are the highlights:

Netroots (noun) - the grassroots political activists who communicate via the Internet, especially by blogs.

I like this one. There was this really pretentious girl -- this is definitely NOT an insult, as I'm using "pretentious," as I almost always do, with a positive connotation -- I had in my Literary & Social Movements class a few years ago that loved to use the word "grassroots." She would skillfully word-drop it into our class discussions at least twice a week (keep in mind our class only met twice a week). It didn't matter if we were discussing Roumain's Masters of the Dew, or Acosta's The Revolt of the Cockroach People, Menchu's I, Rigoberta Menchu, or Angela Davis' autobiography -- either way, it gave her the opportunity to inform all of us that each writer was trying to eliminate social unrest/political corruption/guerrilla warfare/racial oppression from a "grassroots level."

There's a lot of contemporary relevance to this new addition. It's important to the here and now. No one staples together homemade newsletters anymore; if there's something important to be shared, we run to our laptops and blog about it. I don't think "netroots" rolls off the tongue as smoothly as I'd like, but maybe it just needs time. What's really important is that considering the times, we can all get a lot of mileage out of it.

Edmame (noun) - immature green soybeans.

When ordering my appetizer, I usually opt for the Yasai Itame (sauteed vegetables), seaweed salad, or better yet, the Harusame salad (fried noodle salad with carrots and purple cabbage).

Fanboy (noun) - an enthusiastic devotee (usually of comics or movies).

I'm not a fanboy of Lost or Heroes or any pop phenomenon like that (I'm not sure if I have the time or energy for that level of extracurricular dedication), but I was a huge fanboy of Marvel comics during the mid-to-late '90s, specifically Spider-Man comics.

For instance, take "The Clone Saga" that ran through the Spider-Man titles from about 1994 to about 1996; basically, Peter Parker's clone returns from after long being assumed dead -- years earlier, the two Spider-Men fought, the clone is seemingly killed in battle, the real Spider-Man dumps his body in a smokestack, but the clone survives -- and re-enters his life. After a lot of teasing and hinting by Marvel, it's eventually revealed that there's been a horrible mix-up: the "real" Peter Parker is actually the clone and the "phony" Peter Parker (he has since adopted the guise of "Ben Reilly," using it as his alias as he wandered aimlessly all these years) is the real deal. It's like a darker, more sinster version of Twain's The Prince and the Pauper. Or, I suppose, an equally twisted version of The Parent Trap (either the Hayley Mills or Lindsay Lohan adaptation, whichever helps you understand this analogy better). The tragedy here being, of course, that these two men have been living a lie; one is a clone who thinks he's real, the other isn't a clone who thinks he's fake. Either way, both are a day late and a dollar short. Lose-lose.

The reason Marvel pulled this switch is because they felt Spider-Man was growing too far away from his roots -- he was aging, happily married, and had baby on the way. That's the exact antithesis to what the character originally stood for -- youth, autonomy, and hardship. By replacing Parker with Reilly, Marvel felt they were getting a fresh new Spider-Man without any of the baggage of adulthood. There's just something that will always be exciting about Spider-Man having to beat Doctor Octopus in order to make his dinner date on time. And that dynamic doesn't work so well when the date is actually his loving wife, and his loving wife already knows (and wholeheartedly accepts) that he's a super-hero. Our protagonists are inherently more interesting when they have girl problems, that's just how it is.

From what I can remember from the old AOL message boards, most fans HATED the switch. They felt duped and betrayed. Readers didn't want to accept the idea that the character they had invested so much interest (and money) in was an imposter.

But I didn't mind the change at all -- in fact, I supported it. I felt that Spider-Man had grown too stale and comfortable. He wasn't as relatable anymore. He didn't embody many (if any) of his original characteristics. Ben Reilly as the new Spider-Man opened up a lot of new storyline possibilities that wouldn't otherwise have been available to Peter Parker. It wasn't changing the character so much as it was streamlining and simplifying. Spider-Man had become too complicated, too convoluted. So this was back to basics. It was a return to what made him so popular in the first place.

But of course, Marvel buckled under the (husky) pressure of revolting comic book geeks and eventually restored the status quo. Everything was gutlessly reverted back to the way they were; the original Green Goblin was resurrected from the dead and revealed to be the mastermind behind the entire Clone Saga. Ben Reilly was, once again, the clone. And Peter Parker was reinstated as the genuine article. Reilly was killed by the Green Goblin and Parker took over as Spider-Man again. In one fell swoop, everything was restored, no harm no foul. Business as usual. Now I didn't necessarily oppose this return to the status quo, but I honestly would have had no problem if they stuck to their original plan. I would have been just as willing to read about Ben Reilly as I would about Peter Parker.

But that was all a long time ago. I'm not an obsessive fanboy of that stuff anymore.

Mental Health Day (noun) - a day that an employee takes off from work in order to relieve stress or renew vitality.

- "Well why don't you just go by 'Mike' instead of 'Michael'?"
- "No way. Why should I change? He's the one who sucks."


Subprime (adjective) - having or being an interest that is higher that is higher than a prime rate and is extended especially to low-income borrowers.

I don't know what this means. I assume it has something to do with Wall Street, real estate, bulls and bears, stocks and bonds, Alan Greenspan, and fancy briefcases. One way or the other, it bores me.

Pescatarian (noun) - a vegetarian whose diet includes fish.

Haha, I'm glad that overused Stupid Indie Kid terminology is slowly permeating our everyday vernacular. I suppose it's only a matter of time before Juno, Sub Pop Records, and tofurkey are officially added to the pages of Merriam-Webster's Dictionary.

Mondegreen (noun) - a word or phrase that results from a mishearing of something said or sung; originated from the mishearing of a Scottish ballad of "laid him on the green" as "Lady Mondegreen."

This seems to be the early favorite of all the new additions. The first mondegreen of my own that comes to mind is the opening line of Simon & Garfunkel's "The Boxer:" "I am just a poor boy, though my story's seldom told / I have squandered my existence for a pocketful of marbles."

The actual lyric is, "I am just a poor boy though my story's seldom told / I have squandered my RESISTANCE for a pocketful of MUMBLES."

I like their use of "mumbles" a lot better than my "marbles," but my "existence" works so much better than their "resistance." I'm sure I'd struggle to write a song from start to finish on my own; but if I could retroactively go back and cherry-pick specific words and phrases and change them after the fact, I'd be a human hit-maker.

Airquotes (noun plural) - a gesture made by raising and flexing the index and middle fingers of both hands that is used to call attention to a spoken word or expression.

I gesture wildly with my hands when I speak, yet I can't remember the last time I airquoted something. It's been a while.

Wing nut (noun) - one who advocates extreme measures or change; radical.

I am genuinely captivated every time I see or hear Ann Coulter on TV. I don't know if that necessarily makes me a fan, but if it does, so be it.

What I Had For Dinner 7/6/08

Salad and leftover Italian Publix sub with potato chips.

...but none of that matters.

The highlight of my meal was dessert -- chocolate trinity ice cream. It's chocolate, swirls of fudge, and little mini fudge cups mixed in; hence, the prefix "tri." It was really good. And I kept count of the total amount of fudge cups I got (I had exactly four).

Updates on Free Agency (Lots of People Getting Paid)

Baron Davis agrees to sign 5-year, $65 million contract with Clippers

Smart move by the Clippers, smart move by Davis.

As long as Elton Brand agrees to re-sign with the team, they'll have a line-up of Brand at power forward, Davis at point guard, Chris Kaman at center, Cuttino Mobley and rookie Eric Gordon at shooting guard, and then Brevin Knight and rookie DeAndre Jordan coming off the bench. That's a solid team, that's a playoff team -- and in the Western Conference, that's saying a lot. As exciting and up-and-coming the Warriors are, the Clippers (with Brand) give him a better chance of winning in the postseason. And if nothing else, they'll be a lot of fun to watch. Davis and Brand are going to pick-and-roll all day.

And Baron's beard is the truth.

Arenas, Wizards agree to 6-year, $111 million deal

Jamison, Wizards agree to 5-year, $50 million deal

The problem with the Washington Wizards is that they'll never win a championship with the way their roster is built -- they have three elite scorers on the perimeter (Arenas, Jamison, and Caron Butler) but they don't have a true distributing point guard, they don't have a true low post scorer, and outside of Brendan Haywood, no one on that team plays any defense. With that being said, Washington absolutely did the right thing. Arenas can blow up for 30+ points on any given night, and Jamison is one of the shiftiest scorers in the league, with all of his up-and-under moves and his unconventional floaters. Between all of the points scored between those two and Butler, that's still enough to win homecourt advantage in the playoffs and challenge for the Eastern Conference title. They might be overpaying for Arenas, but they have no choice, they can't just let either of them leave without compensation.

And in case you don't already read it, here's Gilbert's blog. It's not amazing, but just by default, he's already one of the most candid and articulate professional athletes out there. Gilbert's great because he doesn't write in jock-speak; he actually sounds like a well-rounded, semi-intelligent human being.

Kings agree to 5-year, $32 million deal with Udrih

Artest says it was a 'mistake' not to opt out of deal with Kings

Good job by Sacramento locking up Beno Udrih. He's so understated, plays so below the radar, but he's a very capable point guard. He averaged nearly 13 points and 5 assists per game last season; not all-world, but still very solid numbers. Udrih is just another testament -- along with Manu Ginobli, Tony Parker, Luis Scola, Fabricio Oberto, and possibly, Tiago Splitter -- to the San Antonio Spurs' amazing foresight and ability to effectively scout overseas talent. He and the equally under-appreciated Kevin Martin will make a strong backcourt for the Kings.

And I'm thoroughly convinced that Ron Artest will always be more trouble than he's worth. He could easily win the Defensive Player of the Year award if he set his mind to it, but he always has a problem with something. He's a malcontent. I think Sacramento will be better off in the long run letting his contract expire and replace him with a younger small forward that has a lot less baggage, and Artest will be better off playing in a bigger market on a better team.

Agents says Heat targeting Dooling

I love the idea of bringing Keyon Dooling back here. His one and only year here -- playing alongside Lamar Odom, Eddie Jones, Brian Grant, Butler, and then-rookies Dwyane Wade and Udonis Haslem -- was the single most fun season I've ever watched of Heat basketball.

He tends to over-dribble, isn't an aware passer, and can't efficiently run a structured offense, but I like what can offer the team: size, length, defense, athleticism, scoring, can play both guard positions, energy off the bench, good attitude, and the ability to isolate and take his man one-on-one. I hope we do sign him. He can platoon between both the point guard spot (helping out the still-untested Marcus Bank, the athletically-challenged Chris Quinn, and the rookie Mario Chalmers) and the shooting guard spot (he'll challenge sophomore Daquan Cook and help give Wade a breather).

I definitely think he's more appealing than the other free agent options at PG: Sebastian Telfair (too short, can't shoot), Tyronn Lue (too small, goofy-looking), Anthony Carter (been there, done that), Anthony Johnson (steady, but too old), and Carlos Arroyo (sucks, can't play).

Duhon agrees to sign 2-year, $12 million deal with Knicks

The New York Knicks never do anything right when it comes to personnel -- not only do they always sign the wrong free agents, they also sign them for way too much. But I think they actually helped themselves here. Chris Duhon can pass a little, score a little (especially from behind the arc), and defend a little. He shouldn't be starting under normal circumstances, but he's good enough to start over the rest of the garbage that New York currently has at the position. And in Coach D'Antoni's run-and-gun, shot-happy offense, Duhon should thrive. It's a good match for both sides.

What I Had For Lunch 7/5/08

Honey BBQ chicken strips and salad.

On top of the pre-packaged salad, I also added sliced mushroom, broccoli florets, croutons, bacon bits, and sunflower seeds, along with cesar dressing. The only other thing I would've liked to add was hard-boiled egg, but it was great regardless.

For dessert, more ice cream cake and apple pie.

What I Had For Dinner 7/4/08

Leftover Baja Fresh, a hot dog, potato chips, french fries, onion rings. And for dessert, ice cream cake, apple pie, oatmeal chocolate chip cookies, Swedish fish, fresh strawberries.

In celebration of our nation's independence, I have overeaten.

This Man's Cardiovascular Health is Immaculate

Man fakes heart attack in court room, then sentenced to 42 years in prison

The second time Keison Wilkins acted as his own attorney for a felonious assault trial didn't work out so well.

Montgomery County Common Pleas Judge Mary Katherine Huffman sentenced Wilkins to 42 years in prison Monday, June 30.

The sentencing capped off a week of Wilkins' antics, which frequently caused Huffman to clear the courtroom. At one point he began yelling about lynchings. On Thursday, he apparently faked a heart attack, collapsing to the floor while uninterested observers watched

After the "attack," during which medical personnel checked him out and found nothing wrong with him, Wilkins sat in a chair, pretending to be unconscious. When a deputy put an ammonia stick under his nose Wilkins responded, opened his eyes, then went back to feigning unconsciousness.

Wilkins, 33, who has an eighth-grade education, successfully represented himself before. In March 2005, a jury acquitted him of a different felonious assault charge, but a judge convicted him of being a felon in possession of a weapon. -- Dayton Daily News

As ridiculous as he looked, I actually have to admire his devotion to the role. The only time he broke character was after they waved that ammonia stick under his nose, but then he immediately went back to feigning unconsciousness. That type of theatrical resolve is nearly Shakespearean. I know anytime I try to trick someone into thinking that I'm pretend-sleeping, I end up cracking up and smiling after five seconds. I can't act.

What I Had For Breakfast 7/4/08

Grand Slam at Denny's (scrambled eggs, hash browns, sausage, and english muffin).

I'm usually very steadfast in my convictions, but looking at this picture makes me wonder if I should've gotten pancakes instead, maybe in place of the sausage or english muffin. I may have made a mistake.

$1.00

I am a fan of cheap, knock-off brand snacks from the Dollar Store.

The Dollar Store food aisle exists separately from the rest of reality. Everything is something slightly different, like distorted, discounted images in a mirror-world; Funyons are "Onion Salty O's!," Teddy Grahams are "Funny Bear Crackers," Oreos are "Choco-Delicious Cookie Sandwiches." If you've ever been to Japan, the English they use on public advertisements tend to be slightly off, slightly askew. It may not necessarily be blatantly incorrect, but even the most novice of print editors will immediately realize that they're not dealing with fluent English-speakers here. The problem is word arrangement; subordinate clauses don't have independent clauses, syntax is backwards, nouns and pronouns and adjectives and verbs are forced to fit together uncomfortably, like pesky jigsaw puzzle pieces that don't interlock. Yeah, it's kind of like Japan.

The brand names don't have the prestige of a Keebler or a Nabisco, don't roll off the tongue as gracefully or melodically. Instead, they bear names that are short-sighted and poorly-worded, like Fungoid Farms or Faggo Brand Soda. I assume these particular brand names were chosen to be deliberately funny, or simply because they didn't expect the company to last very long.

Characters adorning the outer packaging would look ridiculously out of place on the pristine shelves of any national mega-chain supermarket, but look remarkably organic and natural on the dilapidated shelves of the Dollar Store. There's a flamingo wearing a cowboy hat and a hula skirt; a rhinoceros on a skateboard with a "Cowabunga!" word bubble; a pink-and-purple polka-dotted Gorilla giving us the thumbs up. Something so absurd wouldn't fly anywhere else; yet at the Dollar Store, it somehow makes perfect sense. Anything other than this would seem unreasonable.

Two of my favorite Dollar Store snacks are their versions of "Doritos" and the "Nilla Wafers:"

The phony Nacho Cheese Tortilla Chips are almost nearly the genuine article. If you poured it into a bowl and destroyed the evidence of the bag, you probably wouldn't give them a second thought. They look like Doritos. But they don't taste like Doritos, not exactly. They taste a little...odd; but definitely NOT bad. In fact, sometimes I even prefer them to the real thing. There's something distinctly peculiar about their flavor, something that's neither delicious nor nauseating, but more along the lines of intriguing. I imagine it's the way normal Doritos would taste if they had almost every single ingredient (the vegetable oil, ground up corn meal, salt, nacho cheese powder, etc.) but unexpectedly ran out of the super-secret ingredient, the x-factor that only the heirs of the Frito-Lays fortune is privy to. That's how these taste, like reject chips, like almost-Doritos. And yet, I can't stress this enough: I do like eating them. It's like eating an exotic new brand of chips that were brought home from a Third World vacation.

Now, the interesting thing about the bootleg vanilla wafers is that I actually consider them better than the famous name-brand 'Nilla Wafers. Sure, the latter has the instantly-recognizable bright yellow box, a beacon of reassurance that this is safe to eat and there are no spider eggs hidden inside. But aside from that, I've always thought they were overrated. I guess they're alright if you mix them in with banana pudding, but they too dry and gritty. That's my biggest problem with them, they might as well be made of sand. By comparison, the Dollar Store brand -- I usually have a box of them lying around the house, but I'm fresh out. I know that they come in a red, white, & blue box, and the brand logo is a picture of a wheat stalk. I always get them from the Dollar Tree -- don't have that sandy consistency. They're firmer when you bite into them, sturdier. They always taste stale, as if you forgot to Chip-Clip them and left them sitting overnight. But it's absolutely a pleasing kind of stale, if there is such a thing. It's preferable. And their better at soaking up milk when you dunk them. I don't know, it's hard to describe (and even harder to imagine, I'm sure) if you haven't tried them, but they really are just better. It's like some weird inverse effect, the reason why I like them is a direct result of it being of lower quality.

Of course, Dollar Stores also have name-brand food. The best value is their candy aisle; you can get legit candy -- Snickers, Kit-Kats, Nerds, Reese's peanut butter cups, all of that -- for dirt cheap. But there's something less fun about that. You'll eagerly buy it and eat it. It'll taste just as good, if not infinitely better, than anything else you could get there. But it's less exciting, less thrilling somehow. There's no kitsch value to it. That 3 Musketeers bar just doesn't feel special because you know there are a thousand more where that came from. It's no different than going clothes-shopping at a Thrift Store -- the Lacoste polo might be a steal, but the Little League baseball jersey is a deal. There's nothing wrong with buying real food from the Dollar Store, it's just kind of missing the point.

There's a certain sense of irony that comes with visiting a Dollar Store. The same kind of shallow, self-aware irony that comes with wearing a t-shirt from a high school you didn't attend, and in a year you didn't graduate (Go Vikings! Class of '94!). Shopping regularly at the Dollar Store is like an inside joke with yourself, it's funny because you don't have to be there, and even funnier because you know you have the means and the resources to stop by Whole Foods immediately after. I like to pretend that I'm a poor person, that my Burger King paycheck is all used up, my Food Stamps are all gone, and now I have to feed my eight kids and my baby momma for the next two weeks on nothing more than $7.00. It's a fun game in a perverse, mean-spirited sort of way. For the single mother that has to feed her children on imitation Cheez-its, there are feelings of shame and embarrassment. But for me, just some guy looking for something to snack on, there are feelings of profound wonder and curiosity.

Ultimately, the beauty of the Dollar Store is that things are different, but definitely not too different. It's all still vaguely familiar. It's different enough to pique your interest, but not enough to scare you away. Everything is just slightly off center, making you realize you've stepped into a strange and wonderful place.

And all of this is for only $1.00. I would gladly pay $2.00.

What I Had For Dinner 6/29/09

Papa John's (a large pepperoni & sausage and a large mushroom & onion) and leftover Wings Plus.

Pizza and chicken wings are two very dependable food groups.

Retired Players I Loved To Watch #12 (He's the one on the right)

Muggsy Bogues

The one thing everyone knows about Muggsy is that he was the smallest player in NBA history. Standing at only 5'3," I'm a full five inches taller than him.

But that's beside the point. I think that little bit of useless trivia detracts from the great player that he was for well over a dozen years. Sure, it's impressive that such a short person was able to establish himself so well in such a tall game. But it's important to realize that Bogues wasn't noteworthy BECAUSE of his height, but DESPITE his height.

Throughout the 1990s, he was one of the greatest playmaking point guards in the league. For a good seven straight years, he maintained an average of about 9 assists per game. That's a staggering statistic. He was like a quarterback on the hardwood, he had that innate ability to constantly find the open man. Lots of players can platoon at the point guard position, competent enough to bring the ball upcourt, not turn it over, and occasionally make the right pass; in other words, they're good enough not to mess up too often. But Bogues was like a conductor of the offense, almost telepathically controlling how the other nine players around him -- both teammates and opponents alike -- moved on the court. Similar to the way Jason Kidd or Chris Paul or Deron Williams does it today, he's almost able to will the ball into tight spots, threading passes into angles that don't exist. That's the testament to a truly great point guard, making assists appear out of thin air, as if by magic. Pulling plays out of your butt, basically. That's something you really can't teach. With enough practice, I suppose players can get better at passing the ball. But they really can't learn how to become transcendent at it. You either have it or don't; it's a cliche because it's true.


He had his weaknesses -- poor long range shooter, got a lot of lay-up attempts stuffed at the rim, poor man-to-man defender -- but his unique combination of speed, vision, and leadership made up for any inherent, diminutive shortcomings. I was in a constant state of disbelief while watching him play; he just did things that someone of his size shouldn't be able to do.

And those teal, pin-striped Hornets jerseys were fresh as hell.

Muggsy Bogues career statistics

What I Had For Breakfast 6/29/08

Reese's Puffs cereal.

So good. It might as well be actual candy. I support any kind of peanut butter-flavored cereal.

What I Had For Dinner 6/28/08

Menudo (or "Beef Stew," to those who aren't hip to it). Slowly simmered beef chuck with potatoes, green bell peppers, green olives, and hot peppers served on top of white rice.

It was great; the meat was fall-apart tender and the sauce was very rich.

Party Shuffle (I've been negligent of my blog)

I haven't posted anything worthwhile in days, so I'll take the extra time to post the first 20 (that's 5 more than usual!) shuffled songs that come up on my iTunes. And yeah, no skipping.

"Tutti Frutti"
Little Richard
Here's Little Richard

It's too bad this song was released in old fuddy duddy 1955, because the original, uncensored chorus lyrics to this song are classic:

"A-wop-bop-a-loo-mop, a good goddam! / Tutti Frutti, loose booty / If it don't fit, don't force it / You can grease it, make it easy"

Haha.

"I Melt With You"
Saves the Day
I'm Sorry I'm Leaving

It's a relatively safe, innocuous cover of a safe, innocuous Modern English tune, but I still really like it. There's just something endearing about the acoustic guitars and Chris Conley's young, still-cracking voice.

"Needy Girl"
Chromeo
She's In Control

"When you're home alone / You don't answer the phone / Alright...Ah-ah-ah-alright"

I got a kick out of seeing this one come up. Chromeo's great because there's no pretense in their music; they're only interested in showing you a good time. Everything about this track -- right down to the nostalgic B-Boy scratching that kicks in at about the 2:40 mark -- is unapologetically fun. They're kind of a joke, but the joke isn't at THEIR expense so much as it is to all of OUR benefit. I like that, that's cool.

And the beats are amazing.

"Earth Angel"
The Penguins
The Best of the Penguins: The Mercury Years

I love the "jumpy" piano and the simple-but-determined chord progressions. There's a reason why this has been covered a thousand times -- it's a very solid song.

But I think its true importance, be it musically or culturally or whatever, will forever be its association with Back to the Future. It immediately reminds me of the scene at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance when Marty is forced to stand in with the backing band to make sure his parents kiss, which will then ensure that he'll still exist in 1985. It was a close call too, because as they neared the end of the song, his hand was already starting to disappear.

And I don't want to stray too far on a tangent, but on the subject of time-traveling paradoxes, I would argue that Marty McFly should have immediately ceased to exist the second he pushed his father out of the way of his grandfather's car. In that split second, that should've been it for him.

"Mansard Roof"
Vampire Weekend
Vampire Weekend

I totally bought into the internet hype, and with good reason. They're a catchy, snappy band. They incorporate infectious African beats with bright, chiming Johnny Marr-ish guitars. The total instrumentation on this album are expansive and mature -- on top of the typical stuff (guitar, bass, drums, blah blah blah), there's also keyboards, hand drums, harpsichords, strings, organs, flutes. And to top it off, they're hyper-literate. There's very little about them I don't like.

Regarding this track in particular, I'm very fond of the term "salty" (for example, in the line "I see a salty message in the eves"), so I was glad to see them work it into the song. It's definitely not used enough in everyday, casual conversation.

I also love the syncopation that opens the song: the keyboards come down very pronounced on beats 1-2-3, then immediately after, it's 1...pause...1-2-3-4.

"1999"
Prince
1999

With the new year a scant six months away, it'd be nice to see a revival of this song. So tonight I'm gonna party like it's...2009.



"1976"
RJD2
Since We Last Spoke

Haha. Two songs in a row with numerical titles, couldn't have planned that anymore perfect.

This is just a plain awesome track; it hits its maximum freshness threshold at the :38 mark when the horn section comes in.

"Clan in Da Front"
Wu-Tang
Enter the Wu-Tang (36 Chambers)

The thing I've always appreciated the most about Wu-Tang is the overwhelming amount of individual talent in the group. So if there was any complaint I have about this track -- and I'm stretching for criticism here because I still really do like it -- is that it doesn't have the diversity of, say, a "Killer Bees" or a "Protect Ya Neck" or any other typical Wu-Tang track that has multiple MCs on multiple verses. On "Clan in Da Front" -- even the song title is ironic, because the whole clan isn't even featured here -- there isn't any Ghosface, GZA, Meth, ODB, Raekwon, Inspectah Deck, not even so much as an uttered syllable out of U-God; it's all just RZA by his lonesome. And that in and of itself definitely isn't a bad thing, it's just I really like hearing the interplay of each member bouncing verses off each other. All of the different voices, tempos, and inflections collaborating with (and competing against) each other is when Wu-Tang is at its most provocative.

There's nothing particularly ambitious or unconventional about this song's lyrics (it follows a very typical A-A-B-B- rhyme scheme), but it's entirely satisfying because of its simplicity. Every down beat has another perfectly-matching down beat. Everything fits together, neatly and conclusively. You don't have to worry about RZA not letting the other shoe drop, because he always does. "Your motherfucking own" rhymes with "microphone," "pass the bone" rhymes with "Indiana Jones," and all is right with the world. It's very fulfilling in that way.

"Devoted to You"
The Everly Brothers
All-Time Original Hits

It's sappy sweet and squeaky clean (indicative of the times, of course), but I find something incredibly sincere about the way they sing the lines, "Darling, you can count on me / 'Till the sun dries up the sea / Until then I'll always be / Devoooted to Youuu."

It's no "Bye Bye Love," but it's still an OK song.

"Walk Like An Egyptian"
The Bangles
Different Light

"Whey-oh-whey-oh, whey-oh-whey-ooooooh"





"Keep Fishin'"
Weezer
Maladroit

One of the few highlights of an otherwise abysmal album.

Over the course of his career, Cuomo really has become a master at crafting the perfect 2 1/2 minute pop song: they're safe, harmless, vaguely-generic, and entirely enjoyable. Consider the lines "You'll never be / A better kind / If you don't leave / The world behind." That doesn't say anything...it doesn't even attempt to say anything. It's just inane blather whose only purpose is to fill two bars of sheet music. But you're able to forgive its complete lack of purpose just because it's so aesthetically pleasing.

And I also really like the booming, hollow-sounding drums on this track.

"And Your Bird Can Sing"
The Beatles
The Beatles Anthology [Disc 1]

The great thing about this track -- aside from being a very good song off of Revolver -- is that John, Paul, and George can't stop laughing throughout the entire track. I'm sure it was around this point in their careers that they really started to resent each other, so it's nice to hear them having a good time with each other in the studio.

That, and they must be blazed out of their minds.

"Big Poppa"
The Notorious B.I.G.
Ready to Die

Diddy's spoken-word verse towards the end is almost enough to ruin the entire song for me:

"Honey, check it / Tell your friends, to get with my friends / And we can be friends / Shit, we can do this every weekend / 'Aight? Is that 'aight with you? / Yeah...keep banging"

It makes me cringe every time. haha

"99 Red Balloons"
Goldfinger
Stomping Ground

I know that for fun, many Spanish teachers will take a day out of their lesson plan to teach students how to sing "La Bamba" or "Besame Mucho." So I wonder if German teachers do the same with this song...?


"Good Life"
Kanye West (feat. T-Pain)
Graduation

I love the cover art for this album. I want to buy it on vinyl and frame the cover sleeve.




"Psycho Killer"
Talking Heads
Talking Heads: 77

I haven't heard any Talking Heads in forever.

"Psycho killer / Quest que cest / Fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa fa far away"

That's my favorite part. I had to look the lyrics up to make sure I had enough "fa"s in there. Apparently there's nine, with the complete "far" coming on the tenth syllable.

"There She Goes"
Sixpence None The Richer
Sixpence None The Richer

I dunno, I've always liked this track way more than "Kiss Me." Surely I'm not alone, right?



"Sentimental Heart"
She & Him
Volume One

I just uploaded this album recently, so this is actually my first listen of this song. It's good, I like it enough. I just have one small complaint: I'm not sure how gripping she is as a performer. Aside from being an entirely competent singer, I don't know if there's anything else that's inherently fascinating or irresistible about her voice. She obviously has the singing chops, but I don't think there's any specific reason -- that is, any reason other than her simply being Zooey Deschanel -- to force me to listen to this album. Meh, who knows, maybe it just needs to grow on me longer...

However, I do like that she covered Smokey Robinson's "You Really Got A Hold On Me." It's not half as good as the original, but it doesn't matter because I appreciate the attempt.

"Canon in D Major"
Johann Pachelbel
The Most Relaxing Classical Music in the Universe

For any former band kid -- and I say band "kid" intentionally, because I don't think I showed nearly enough due diligence in practicing my scales to officially call myself a band "geek" -- this song holds a lot of sentimental value. For a lot of us, it was one of the first classical compositions we learned to play, and at that age, if something is "classical" than it naturally must also be extremely complex and difficult. Our parents were very impressed at recital time.

And I have plenty other versions of this (piano, acoustic guitar, electric guitar, full orchestra), but this is probably my favorite version -- just plain strings.

And check out the title of this album. That's a pretty lofty promise.

"Lust for Life"
Iggy Pop
Lust for Life

"Choose Life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players and electrical tin openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol, and dental insurance. Choose fixed interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisurewear and matching luggage. Choose a three-piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing, spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pissing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked up brats you spawned to replace yourselves. Choose your future. Choose life... But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life. I chose somethin' else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you've got heroin?"

This has long since ceased being an Iggy Pop song; now it's a Trainspotting song.

Oh, and a Carnival Cruise line song, too.